Sunday, October 16, 2011

Rough Time.


"it's raining, oh guess Lady Gaga needs to find another date then"

Gloomy Sunday. I'm doing my finishing touch for my BIK 3013 class, but still it looks like nothing changes. Still with 1 slide and no others; dumb, slow, loser, lazy, daydreamer, mothafuc** those are the right words to define me in these last few days. Why is it so hard to complete an assignment? even if the due date is 4 weeks after, i still need to complete it.

Having rough time now, struggling with myself to choose the wise act. Whether to stay in UPSI or leave on the second semester. I don't know what am i going to do here, if i go i'm betraying my mum's trust, trust that she poured on me since baby. I can't do that, its cruelty, but at the same time i'm tired of having to fight myself to keep on doing this.

Confine in my own thoughts, dealing with the other 2 it's really a nightmare, i don't know when they even exist, all of sudden i'm stuck with multiple personalities. Wish i could have my own sanity back. I'm like Ichigo, there's so many 'horses' want's to be 'King'. I have to deal with 'them', i need to be strong, i need to control 'them', 'they' must not control me instead.
My Mind, My World!

I've done with my reading just now, it's about soft skill and yeah, i can't explain nor brief about it, why? Because there's so many things happen, i am suffering what people would define as 'culture shock' i'm stuck between obligation, i do not know what to do..I had issue with myself before, but this is different i can't deal with it alone, it eating me inside, having too much freedom isn't good for me. It's bad.

I am thinking to quit all the pretense, drop my guards down so i can be more ME. Instead of, what i thought other people want me to be. No, not apok (i curse those ppl who wishes me that). I think that's all, i leave you guys with lots of love.

1 comment:

  1. aaahhhhh....same assignment still doesn't finish eventhough I've to submit it this Wednesday, fuuuuuuuuuuuu~~~~~~~~~~~ Tak tau la camna nak ubah diri ni...baca buku apa pun tak masuk hotak tengkorak......exam dah dekat....eiiii.....takut kena ulang jer....