Would it be easy to die? im not quite sure. i used to think that people who commit suicide out of heartbreak is stupid. but now im not so sure about it. i never knew that love can be so painful, i have always laugh at those who fell in love and break up.. and end up hating each other. i always belittle them. but now, it happend to me. im heartbroken. i find this very stupid, for letting myself to love someone and what hurts even more is that i knew that this love will never work. but i was to stupid to understand that. i let my guard down. now my heart is no longer in one piece.
i guess this is how my sister felt when she was turned down by that fucking dude. she had it worst than mine. now she need to raise her baby alone. i am lucky, aren't i? but why i feel like im losing something. have loose something genuinely important to me? i loose myself?
Will Allah still accept me, eventhough i'd sinned so many times. i am scare. every moment i feel like committing suicide. every waking moment is painful to me. all the things i've work for, feels like nothing. Oh, Allah, is this what i am to them? is this the beginning of my punishment? i cant take it anymore. Oh Allah, lend me strength to go through all this. i am in no power to move without your will. please forgive my sins oh Allah Almighty. Grant me a path to lead me back to your path Allah. I can no longer continue this road without you, Ya Allah. Help me.
Help me Allah, help me friends. I indeed need your help, i cannot do this anymore. Im crushed. Please, i cant hold this suffering no longer. I dont know what to do.