take the time to look within u

there's a lot of thing in this world that we dont really know about, a new place, new food, new stuff and perhaps the new side of an old friend that we never even bother to take time and see it...we often take our friends for granted and  i meant myself, we had always expecting them to be in our side, to back us up whenever we are in trouble...but let's be honest, ask yourself are you a perfect friend for your friends?

scared?

sometimes i wonder, will i ever be the same person as i was? will it be okay for me to move on and forget about the past but, if i do isn't that suppose to mean that i need to let it all go? let my past that had shaped me go away? if i let it go will it be even better? honestly, i myself are not sure of the outcome. i am scared of moving on, i am scared of forgetting every bits that makes me who i am...and i am truly scared of losing my inner self...the person i used to be...what will i do to tarnish these feelings ? i will never know.

sometimes you just scared that someone might use you for their gain and what is worst that you letting them doing that knowing it would kill you later, i have been into these kinda state before and it did not go so well. i have been used a couple of times, mentally and physically..and im breaking all the rules by telling this publicly...this is a secret that suppose to be keep out from anyone knowing it or to smell it. Honestly, how can one live with knowing himself had been feasting by some inhuman creature only to please them? been treated as something less than animal...

i need to get this thing outta of my mind, it is not healthy and it is not something i want to grow up with...but i was too late...i was damn too late to take the action...i was a coward and i let myself to indulge in that disgusting action....and now i don't know what stopping me from doing it all over again...i am restraining myself from falling all over again...but lately i find myself dying trying to stop myself..can i even stop this madness...