Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Shaggy, Messy and Chill~

Creating a new persona in leading a new life.

Assalammualykum my friends,

I walk through these days with a blank mind, but deep inside tingling a pinch of hope that all these things would only be a nightmare.

Lately, life has been quite normal, i manage to pull myself together, however to keep myself in order proves to be a challenge. 

It's been a month and 9 days since abah left us, he died due to 2nd heart attack which left us dumbfounded about it. I find it hard to verbally express myself in public hence blogging seems to be a good medium. It's been too long i used to blog, i thought my life was in its perfectly arrange order, but late tragedy prove otherwise.

I left my conscious behind with my sanity back in the hospital, living like a zombie, nodding every words they said and mumbling every time people ask for response. I don't know what to do anymore and i don't have someone to turn to. Having all these thing clinging around me making it impossible for me to breathe in air. All of these congested, dark history of my past and family really taken me hard.

I wanted to chase everything out and find someone i can rely on, but no one seems to understand or even try to or maybe they did but i was too blind to see.

Thinking a lot of things would do me no good, i don't want to blame it on fate that let what happen happened, certainly i will not shift the blame to someone else. But i have always wondering why us? Why it has to be my mother and father and why me?

Do they know how hard for mom and dad to raise them?
How shame they were when 'it' happened?
 How ungrateful a child can be?

After all these silly question,  
i found this...

to abah: al-fatihah and i miss you...

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