blogging seems to be out of my reach these days, last time i posted something that is so stupid that reading it back made me puke. i hate it when i went nuts on stupid things. i just hate that personality. there is no mysterious in it, no glamor. zzzzz. yes, im that type of person that crave for attention. LOL. and i like water. who doesn't?
i know this sem break suppose to be my time off with my inner-self. but i couldn't help the fact that i really miss being happy. i dont know why but somehow, i think of myself as someone who doesnt deserve to be happy. i'm just that one guy who will going to be sad for his entire life, being flip over and over again. aint that sad? i think it sad that it makes me tinklish. i hate being sad. but if being sad make me sane, guess i have to live with it.
it's not like being happy is wrong, but being happy with the wrong person can backfire on yourself. im just saying the facts. i've experienced it. and it end up badly. im still recovering from the pain which i dont know what caused it. i thought it was my fault. perhaps it is. i dont know. i'll never know. im just being "OVERLY DRAMATIC". everything i do, did always end up being "OVERLY DRAMATIC". it's like im that one loser who needs your attention and approval. i am certainly NOT. and i dont appreciate that thought. i cant believe it. hoe over buds. this is nuts. i am nuts!
i thought of becoming someone else, and run away from here but then i realize that running away is not the solution and believe me when i said that. i just want to be accepted. people might say that u r somebody, but they dont know the truth. i am not. and i just want a friend that can enjoy his/her time with me without having to feel obligated in taking care of me. i dont need that. i have my brothers doing that. and they're doing well. too well. i need a friend or friends who are not afraid to jump over the cliff and bungee jumping with me. friends that no matter what happen stood up for me and sweep me off my sense just to save my ass.friends that dont leave u when they found their so call 'soulmate'. friends who just being friends.
i know im asking too much. but perhaps i do need to change myself before demanding such requests. i dont mind change for the best. perhaps i do need to change. change is good. change is healthy. but not sex change. that is sooooooo not COOL.
well guess my crappy session ends here. i hope i can do better and live better.before i die.