Saturday, April 13, 2013

Life just being Life

What the hell, if no one likes what i did and will do let them be, i am not here to please them (oh the irony). I'm just freaking clueless with the assignment right now, my progress is nowhere near done oh, this is not great, this is not productive! What should i do to actually start doing it? 

The feeling of accomplishment, is not something that i always have. Everything i did, all of it, seems to me just another lucky charm cast upon me, i don't know for the past years of my life the accomplishment i have made, was is just luck or am i actually accomplished something? I studied, but no, i don't remember anything from my study. Everything seems to be a piece of crap! I don't feel like i have achieve anything. So, what is my real achievement?

Great, thinking way back does not help me at all. I need motivation, MY own motivation not others asserted into my head! I don't want those "You are the last hope of our family", "It's for your own good!" kind of motivation. I don't think they motivate me enough! What to do then? I wake up everyday despite its morning or evening, with nothing particular in my mind. Just another routine day for me, it went by without any special things going on. 

I want to have that real University life, where adventure and friends goes together side by side but, what i have now (i'm not trying to be ungrateful) is something that i have been trying to evade for so long. I used to be very energetic in doing something, well i think i am now but not always, cause there will be something or someone that will rip it out from me. I feel like beating down myself to crap for taking everything what life threw at me. 

I'm going to be an adult, so i should start like one too. But, these habits they are not that easy to kill, it needs time and support from family and friends. The most important part, they need me to always be in good shape physically, mentally and emotionally. I need to be the boss of my body and mind, i shouldn't let myself being to vulnerable, fragile and idiotic. Time will always move forward, it is matter of time when my time will stop ticking. I will never know when.

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